Old age,
I have decided,
is a gift.
I am now,
probably for the first time in my life,
the person I have always wanted to be.
Oh, not my body!
I sometime despair over my body,
the wrinkles,
the baggy eyes,
and the sagging butt.
And often
I am taken aback by that old person
that lives in my mirror,
but I don't agonize over those things
for long.
I would never trade
my amazing friends,
my wonderful life,
my loving family
for less gray hair
or a flatter belly.
As I've aged,
I've become
more kind to myself,
and less critical of myself.
I've become
my own friend.
I don't chide myself
for eating
that extra cookie,
or for not making my bed,
or for buying that silly
cement gecko
that I didn't need,
but looks so alert
guarding on my patio.
I am entitled to a treat,
to be messy,
to be extravagant.
I have seen too many
dear friends
leave this world too soon,
before they understood
the great freedom
that comes with aging.
Whose business is it
if I choose to read
or play on the computer
until 4 am
and sleep until noon?
I will dance with myself
to those wonderful tunes
of the
60's &70's,
and if I,
at the same time,
wish to weep over a lost love ...
I will.
I will walk the beach
in a swim suit
that is stretched over
a bulging body,
and will dive into the waves
with abandon
if I choose to,
despite the pitying glances
from the jet set.
They, too, will get old.
Sure,
over the years
my heart has been broken.
How can your heart not break
when you lose a loved one,
or when a child suffers,
or even when somebody's
beloved pet
gets hit by a car?
But broken hearts are
what give us strength and
understanding and compassion.
A heart never broken
is pristine
and sterile
and will never know
the joy of being
imperfect.
I am so blessed to have
lived long enough to
have my hair turning gray,
and to have my youthful laughs
be forever etched into
deep grooves on my face.
So many have never laughed,
and so many have died before
their hair could turn silver.
As you get older,
it is easier to be positive.
You care less about what
other people think.
I don't question myself
anymore.
I've even earned the right
to be wrong.
So,
to answer your question,
I like being old.
It has set me free.
I like the person
I have become.
I am not going to
live forever,
but while I am
still here,
I will not
waste time
lamenting
what could have been,
or worrying about
what will be.
And I shall eat dessert
every single day.
(If I feel like it)
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