HEADLINES FROM THE YEAR: 2029
Ozone created by electric cars now killing millions in the seventh
largest country in the world,
Mexifornia, formerly known as California
White minorities still trying to have English recognized as Mexifornia's third language.
Spotted Owl plague threatens northwestern United States crops and livestock.
Baby conceived naturally! Scientists stumped.
Couple petitions court to reinstate heterosexual marriage.
Iran still rules the earth;
physicists estimate it will take at least 80 more years before radioactivity decreases to safe levels.
France pleads for global help after being taken over by Jamaica.
No other country comes forward to help the beleaguered nation!
Castro thawed out and brought back to life;
Cuban cigars can now be imported legally.
(actually happened in 2015),
but President Chelsea Clinton has banned all smoking
except crack, meth and pot.
George Z. Bush says he will run for President in 2036.
Postal Service raises price of first class stamp to $17.89 and reduces mail delivery to Wednesdays only.
85-year $75.8 billion study: Diet and exercise is the key to weight loss.
Average weight of Americans drops to 250 lbs.
Global cooling blamed for citrus crop failure for third consecutive year in Mexifornia and Florexico
Japanese scientists have created a camera with such a fast shutter speed they now can photograph a woman with her mouth shut.
Senate still blocking drilling in ANWR even though gas is selling for
4532 Pesos per liter and gas stations are only open on Tuesdays and
Massachusetts executes last remaining conservative.
Supreme Court rules punishment of criminals violates their civil rights.
Average height of NBA players is now nine feet, seven inches.
New federal law requires that all nail clippers, screwdrivers,
swatters and rolled-up newspapers must be registered by January 2030.
IRS sets lowest tax rate at 75 percent.
Florexico de Cuba voters still having trouble with voting machines. Still
allowed to vote 100 times each without I.D.