Old age,
I have decided, is
a gift.
I am now, probably for the first time in my life, the person I have always
wanted to be. Oh, not my body! I sometime despair over my body, the
wrinkles, the baggy eyes, and the sagging butt. And often I am taken aback
by that old person that lives in my mirror, but I don't agonize over those
things for long.
I would never trade my amazing friends, my wonderful life, my
loving family for less gray hair or a flatter belly. As I've aged, I've
become more kind to myself, and less critical of myself. I've become my own
friend.
I don't chide myself for eating that extra cookie, or for not
making my bed, or for buying that silly cement gecko that I didn't need, but
looks so alert guarding on my patio. I am entitled to a treat, to be messy,
to be extravagant.
I have seen too many dear friends leave this world too soon,
before they understood the great freedom that comes with aging.
Whose business is it if I choose to read or play on the
computer until 4 am and sleep until noon? I will dance with myself to those
wonderful tunes of the 60's &70's, and if I, at the same time, wish to weep
over a lost love ... I will. I will walk the beach in a swim suit that is
stretched over a bulging body, and will dive into the waves with abandon if
I choose to, despite the pitying glances from the jet set.
They, too, will get old.
Sure, over the years my heart has been broken. How can your
heart not break when you lose a loved one, or when a child suffers, or even
when somebody's beloved pet gets hit by a car? But broken hearts are what
give us strength and understanding and compassion. A heart never broken is
pristine and sterile and will never know the joy of being imperfect.
I am so blessed to have lived long enough to have my hair
turning gray, and to have my youthful laughs be forever etched into deep
grooves on my face.
So many have never laughed, and so many have died before their hair could
turn silver.
As you get older, it is easier to be positive. You care less
about what other people think. I don't question myself anymore. I've even
earned the right to be wrong.
So, to answer your question, I like being old. It has set me
free. I like the person I have become. I am not going to live forever, but
while I am still here, I will not waste time lamenting what could have been,
or worrying about what will be. And I shall eat dessert every single day.
(If I feel like it)
